So yesterday I got a call letting me know that Gryffin had a spot in a Mom's Day Out program at a local church. Yeay, sort of. I keep going from feeling so excited I'm about ready to jump out of skin to feeling so guilty I want to cry.
This program is two days a week from 9:30am-2:30pm. It will give him exposure to kids his own age. And it will give me time to get the house clean, the laundry done and the errands run. All of which, when they do get done, take three times as long because my superhero sidekick isn't much of a helper. Unless I want help making a mess, that is.
Mike and I always knew that if we were going to have a child that one of us would stay home and care for it. He grew up with his Mom at home, I grew up with a muther never at home. I have some daycare stories that will make your jaw drop. Now here I am wanting to put Gryffin in a program (I refuse to call it daycare) where he will be away from me for 5 hours a day, two days a week. What am I thinking?!
But then again, Gryffin really needs to interact with other children. He needs to be exposed to new things. He needs to make friends and learn to share more than just food with our dogs.
I'm so torn, I'm like Hulk Hogan's t-shirt. I don't even know if I can be without him that long! I haven't been away from him for longer than dinner and a movie since he was born. He IS my superhero sidekick, my cohort in crime, my 5th limb!
But I do need a break. That is why I'm feeling so guilty. Because as a stay-at-home Mom needing a break is being selfish. I should be devoted to caring for son 24/7. Does this mean that I'm a bad mom? Does this mean that I shouldn't be mom? What if they do a better job with him than I do? What if he likes being there more than he likes being with me? These are the crazy thoughts that are pinging like a pinball between my ears. Argh!
Calgon take me away!