Monday, April 25, 2011

Cleaning continuation:

My Facebook page was getting out of hand.  I had so many people on there that I no longer communicated with, mainly because they were friends of friends that I'm no longer in touch with.  I  paired down my friends list and I hope that doesn't offend anyone.  Then again, I had so little contact with these people I doubt they will even notice.  But in the off chance they do and check in here... I hope you understand.

I was recently 'unfriended' by a couple people.  I didn't get offended.  Actually, I was relieved.  They chose sides in a conflict and I'm fine with that.  In certain situations sides have to taken, not in this particular one, but oh well..  I just hope they don't come to regret their decision.  If they do, I have no hard feelings.  They were only given partial information for which to base their decision.  You can't fault anyone for ignorance, just stupidity. 

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Thanks Easter Bunny, bawk-bawk

Last night Gryffin asked me how the Easter Bunny got in our house to hide the eggs.  I told him the same way Santa did, so my ingenious six year old frantically started running around the house, grabbing this and grabbing that.  When he was done our front room was filled with a plethora of child-like wonder.  He had drawn the Easter Bunny a picture, set a small table in front of the fireplace with knife, fork, paper towel and three unpeeled carrots.  He explained that the Easter Bunny doesn't like them peeled.  And a brown paper bag decorated with a big bunny, filled with treats he received in class.  Gryffin didn't want the Easter Bunny to not get anything in return for all his hard work. 
Oh to have a child's magical way of thinking again!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I've never not been an emotional person.  It used to be that I could flip a switch and turn them off temporarily, sadly not anymore.  I must be getting older, things are starting to break.  However, I am trying to get a better hold on them.  It takes a lot for me to completely lose my temper but when that, fast and far away.  I will curse like a sailor and say things that will cut like a knife.  Neither of them I really mean.  Ok, the cussing maybe.  I've had to apologize too much for letting my temper get the best of me lately and HATE to tuck tail and do that.  Sometimes it isn't just the necessary thing to do, but the right thing. 
Ooh, that brings me to the 'Doing The Right Thing' part of this post.  Haven't been good at that lately either.  You all know that I abhor the saying, "It is what it is".  But in certain cases it is what it is because I can't make it the way it should be.  Doing the right thing isn't always hard or costly, its just not what we want to do or what our hearts tell us to do.  Well, I'm here to say, screw doing the right thing because I'm almost always going to follow my heart.  I just wish sometimes it wouldn't be so wishy-washy.  Geez, you'd think I was a female with the way I change my mind sometimes.  That was a joke, laugh dammit.  Anyway, I've gone back and forth with a certain issue I'm currently dealing with, it has been an emotional tilt-a-whirl going round and round in circles until I puke.  So I set up a meeting between my head and my heart and let them duke it out.  Two enter, only one will leave.  The one that has come out really surprised me.  It is not what my heart said at first.  It was what my mind said, only in a much softer tone.  Either way, I would've been content but the road I chose will be like ripping a band-aid off, it will hurt but it's really the best way. 
Now that I have gotten off the carnival ride, I am at peace.  No more tears, no more emotional tennis, no more.  Just no more- period.  I might be wishy-washy but once I have gotten my head and heart to quit fighting like children, my decision  cannot and will not be changed.  Yes, yes, I'm stubborn as hell.  Unfortunately in the genetic pool there wasn't an alternative. Now whether or not others agree with my decision is yet to be known, but honestly I don't care because they don't matter.  How and what I think about myself is more important than what anyone else thinks. 

Monday, April 11, 2011

'You're so vain. I bet you think this song is about you. Don't you?'

It is Spring.  Time to weed the garden and clean house.  Literally and figuratively.

The past 10 to 11 months have been a roller coaster.  The very highest of highs and lowest of lows have brought me to me emotional knees.  I'm exhausted and broken and ready to take my place back behind the walls I protected myself with for decades.  After many a betrayal, drama, loss and heart break, I have come to realize that the fewer complications and relationships in my life, the better it is. 

I have also learned a lot about myself.  I am stronger than I thought.  I am more trusting than I should be.  I can take my anger and redirect it in a positive way.  I can appreciate others feelings but ultimately they don't mean jack shit.  My time and devotion are worth more than most realize.  My toes are not a doormat to be stepped on.  My feelings, opinions and hard work are not to be brushed off.  I have learned to listen to someone's tone because it shows the lies in their words.  Finally, I have learned that unless criticism is given in a positive manner then its just a plain old insult.

There are only a couple things in my life that have ever truly made me happy: my family and my home.  It seems that I have wasted a lot of time lately on things that have detracted from what makes me happy because I wanted to make others happy.  The only 'others' I need to make happy are my husband and son.  When they are happy so am I and everyone else can take a flying leap.  My new mantra for dealing with anyone outside of my family and immediate loved ones- Keep Calm and Fuck Off.