Thursday, September 20, 2007

I feel a spiral coming on.

As most of my readers know, I suffer from depression, anxiety and general issues. Everyone has issues but no one's issues are as severe as their own. Except maybe their significant others who have it the worst because they have a loved one's issues to deal with on top of their own issues and this just a recipe for rough times. Sorry Mike.
For several weeks I have been a little down. On the surface I think I've been able to hide it pretty well but now its to the point where Mike is asking me if I'm ok because I look like I'm about to burst into tears and Gryffin is telling me not to be grumpy. From a 2 1/2 year old, thats deep.
I don't really know what has set me off this time. At least, I can't pinpoint one thing. I think its more of an accumulation of little things.
The house next door sitting there filthy, empty and dying.
My lack of a glass studio over here.
Money problems. Ok, so not problems since we have money for food and gas and the bills are paid. But money problems such as credit card debt. I'm not used to it and I don't like it. The last time I actually looked at our credit card bill I almost had an anxiety attack.
The payment for my hearing aides is due in November and I don't know where the several thousand dollars will come from.
I just feel like I'm out of control. I'm a control freak out of control and that has put me into a spin. A spin that makes me not want to do anything which is the worst thing I could do. Now don't get all worried, I'm not going over the edge. I'm just in a funk and this blog is a hell of a lot cheaper than a therapist, which I've tried before and all he wanted to do was write me a scrip and bill my insurance for $135 an hour. So you're just going to have to sit there and say 'uh ha' and 'I see' along with a couple 'How does that make you feel' and 'Tell me about your childhood'.


Robin Up the Street said...

How about an "I empathize and it sucks" and a "What can I do to help?"? Cleaning help, babysitting, anything that will give you some more time? Drinks and ice cream? Please let me know.

It can all be so overwhelming. And even if you're not going over the edge, it sucks to feel like you're anywhere near the edge.

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this.

Ruth said...

I completely understand how you're feeling these days... I'm in that spiral myself. Life in general is super overwhelming!

I agree with Robin's comment.. it seriously sucks to feel out of control & feel like your fast approaching the edge of the cliff.

Please know that I will be praying for God to give both of us peace & help us get out of our collective funk, too.

I love you, Sis!