Monday, April 11, 2011

'You're so vain. I bet you think this song is about you. Don't you?'

It is Spring.  Time to weed the garden and clean house.  Literally and figuratively.

The past 10 to 11 months have been a roller coaster.  The very highest of highs and lowest of lows have brought me to me emotional knees.  I'm exhausted and broken and ready to take my place back behind the walls I protected myself with for decades.  After many a betrayal, drama, loss and heart break, I have come to realize that the fewer complications and relationships in my life, the better it is. 

I have also learned a lot about myself.  I am stronger than I thought.  I am more trusting than I should be.  I can take my anger and redirect it in a positive way.  I can appreciate others feelings but ultimately they don't mean jack shit.  My time and devotion are worth more than most realize.  My toes are not a doormat to be stepped on.  My feelings, opinions and hard work are not to be brushed off.  I have learned to listen to someone's tone because it shows the lies in their words.  Finally, I have learned that unless criticism is given in a positive manner then its just a plain old insult.

There are only a couple things in my life that have ever truly made me happy: my family and my home.  It seems that I have wasted a lot of time lately on things that have detracted from what makes me happy because I wanted to make others happy.  The only 'others' I need to make happy are my husband and son.  When they are happy so am I and everyone else can take a flying leap.  My new mantra for dealing with anyone outside of my family and immediate loved ones- Keep Calm and Fuck Off.

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