Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I've never not been an emotional person.  It used to be that I could flip a switch and turn them off temporarily, sadly not anymore.  I must be getting older, things are starting to break.  However, I am trying to get a better hold on them.  It takes a lot for me to completely lose my temper but when that, fast and far away.  I will curse like a sailor and say things that will cut like a knife.  Neither of them I really mean.  Ok, the cussing maybe.  I've had to apologize too much for letting my temper get the best of me lately and HATE to tuck tail and do that.  Sometimes it isn't just the necessary thing to do, but the right thing. 
Ooh, that brings me to the 'Doing The Right Thing' part of this post.  Haven't been good at that lately either.  You all know that I abhor the saying, "It is what it is".  But in certain cases it is what it is because I can't make it the way it should be.  Doing the right thing isn't always hard or costly, its just not what we want to do or what our hearts tell us to do.  Well, I'm here to say, screw doing the right thing because I'm almost always going to follow my heart.  I just wish sometimes it wouldn't be so wishy-washy.  Geez, you'd think I was a female with the way I change my mind sometimes.  That was a joke, laugh dammit.  Anyway, I've gone back and forth with a certain issue I'm currently dealing with, it has been an emotional tilt-a-whirl going round and round in circles until I puke.  So I set up a meeting between my head and my heart and let them duke it out.  Two enter, only one will leave.  The one that has come out really surprised me.  It is not what my heart said at first.  It was what my mind said, only in a much softer tone.  Either way, I would've been content but the road I chose will be like ripping a band-aid off, it will hurt but it's really the best way. 
Now that I have gotten off the carnival ride, I am at peace.  No more tears, no more emotional tennis, no more.  Just no more- period.  I might be wishy-washy but once I have gotten my head and heart to quit fighting like children, my decision  cannot and will not be changed.  Yes, yes, I'm stubborn as hell.  Unfortunately in the genetic pool there wasn't an alternative. Now whether or not others agree with my decision is yet to be known, but honestly I don't care because they don't matter.  How and what I think about myself is more important than what anyone else thinks. 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a plan! Go for it whatever IT is.
Love Ya Daughter