A little birdie warned me that my egg-donor has plans to accost me this Saturday morning. Some of you may not be aware but I gave this woman her walking papers several months ago. After a lifetime of hurt, I had finally had enough. Now, on my birthday none-the-less, she is planning on coming to my home early on a Saturday to beg for forgiveness, pull more crazy out of her butt, rant like a loony? My guess would be all of the above plus a couple more tricks from her unbalanced trunk.
I thought of a lot of ways I could handle this. From evacuating like a psycho hurricane is coming to having Beqi show her knuckles. Neither of these were suitable, but they were fun to think about. I have decided on a plan of action, with my main concern of not allowing my son to see or hear any of it. I'm not going to go into details because I want to know what my readers, all three of you, would suggest. Come up with something funny, just go crazy. Make me laugh about this, so I don't cry or punch a wall.
Leave it as a comment so we can all enjoy it!
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10 comments:
I don't know.. I am still diggin' the mental image I have of Becky "welcoming" her with her doubled fist. ;)
Sad that the original letter & your not returning countless hundreds of her voice-mail messages to you didn't give her the clue to leave it alone.
I hope that even with all of this mess you will still be able to enjoy your special day... cuz YOU ARE SPECIAL & you deserve to have a stress-free, fun day enjoying things that make you happy.
Oh.. and forget about the fall-out that will occur from it.. we're used her crap.
Since I've only got one comment all day, here were a couple I came up with yesterday:
Get her with a tranquilizer gun and leave her and her car in the middle of nowhere
Post a sign on the door that reads;"Gave at the office, found God and shoots pain in the ass, crazy people"
Park our cars elsewhere, disconnect the doorbell and hook electricity up to our metal door
Fill our front yard with landmines and rabid squirrels
Send the neighbors an invitation to set out lawn chairs and watch Beqi put her Wii boxing skillz to use
Beat her to it, show up at her house and tell her that the next time I want to see her is to make sure she's really dead
Have the cops here waiting for me to file a harassment report against her
Have Mike answer the door, because he is the only one she's afraid of
well... my vote is for the tranq. dart---wouldn't you just love to pump one right into her hiney...and well, since it's probably illegal somewhere, I say plan a great family outing doing your favorite things with your favorite guys and don't even give her the satisfaction of creating her drama... Happy birthday from the across the ol' Miss. ---Connie
Hmmm.... I am down with the law enforcement aspect of this... tell her if she ever comes to your house again, you will call the police and have her removed from the premises, and if she continues to bother you, you will file a restraining order and have her sent to jail for harassment. Then, I would keep a record of every time she contacts you.
Of course, Beqi & I would be more than willing to tag-team her. Bart's been teaching me some street-fighting moves & I'm prepared to use them.
This just occurred to me.... you could always go Clockwork Orange on her - strap her down to a chair, toothpick her eyes open, and yell at her all the cruel things she's ever said to you. Makes a nice daydream at least, doesn't it?? :)
Jeez, remind me not to mess with the MMP.
Well, you nixed my knuckles, so I have some other options to meet her with:
My foot.
My elbow.
The front and back bumper of my car.
My acid wit regarding her hairstyle, her footwear, and her choice of clothing.
'Cause I'm not just a thug, I'm a SMART thug.
Although I think the best idea is just that you let your husband, in-laws, and friends hold her down, and YOU hit her. Seems only fitting.
Call me if you need anything. Like body removal. I don't have a wood chipper, but I do have a trunk. ;)
And BTW, I second what ladybug said. You deserve to be happy on your birthday of all days, because you're the best, and don't you forget it.
So far.. she hasn't clued me in any more than "early Saturday morning"... I still assume around 8ish, but who knows when you're dealing with crazy! ;)
Let us know what goes down.. I am looking forward to hearing your side.. cuz I know we'll be hearing all about someone else's viewpoint tomorrow, too. It never ceases to amaze me how different her spin on things is.
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