How not to celebrate...

I bought me some sweet, sexy shoes to go with that awesome dress for the party. And how do I celebrate this major lifetime achievement? I break my little toe not 15 minutes later. That kind of talent will not win me the bouquet of roses and diamond tiara, folks. Does this mean I won't be wearing said sweet and sexy shoes? Hell no! So, if you are at my party and see me hopping around on one foot just know that:
A. I'm in pain
B. I'm a little clumsy
C. I sooo love these shoes
And if you feel that you must comment on my ridiculousness just be aware that I also bought a pair of black, patent leather, pointed toe, stiletto healed, dominatrix style, knee high, man-part puncturing boots and if need be I will whip them on and kick your wise crackin' butt with my good foot. And that talent should at least win me some daisies and a little paper party hat.