Party till the dust bunnies come home.

Don't worry, I haven't fallen off the edge of the earth. I have been sick. I won't go into details except to say that is not how I like to lose weight. I'm back now and have a long day ahead. Being sick is not conducive to keeping the laundry monster at bay, the fridge full or the dust bunnies wrangled. I'm also hoping to get Gryffin outside to enjoy the wonderful weather we have.
I need to get it all done today as this weekend there are other things around here that must get done. I am putting my foot down. Mike built these lovely ramps for Granny to make it easier to get in and out of the house. Obviously they are no longer needed but yet they remain. They make it look like old people live here and as we are mentally old, physically I think we can handle a couple of steps instead. Silly I know, but somehow they remind me that this isn't really our home.
We are on a big kick to spruce as for the first time, uhm-ever, we are entertaining just for the sake of entertaining. My only experience with hosting parties has been Gryffin's birthday where I just fussed with food and camera and spent most of the time trying to find places to hide because I don't deal well with lots of people in a small space. Small space no more! Our family room alone can sit 9 or 10.
Now I would love to be able to paint the family, dining and living rooms but my delusions of grandeur have to do with winning the lottery not killing myself. I would also love to get some bar stools, stock a bar and have a spread of grub that would make Martha blush but again- not into self destruction. I took the cheap/lazy way out and put a big BYOB on the invites and am planning a chicken chili, jambalaya and easy finger food buffet. Good thing we don't know any fancy people 'cuz we'd make 'em feel as uncomfortable as a fart in a crowded elevator.
Dianne has agreed to take Gryffin for the night so there won't be much entertainment, other than the diverse group of people we know. Sometimes diversity is good, other times it only results in a Jerry Springer Show like eruption. Although, the one really questionable gent we know is unable to make it so I'm pretty sure Jerry will get the night off.

A family that inks together stinks together!

We all got Batman tattoos Saturday. Don't worry they're temporary, although I have a feeling Mike would love to make his permanent. Aside from the deer caught in the headlights look on my face this picture is a pretty good summary of our weekend.
After getting inked up we headed out to an art show where my friend Beqi, http://www.beqiclothing.com/index.html was and exhibitor. I picked through her wares like a ravenous wolf. I bought a really pretty top, necklace and a hairpin. The hairpin is a pirate hat with a Jolly Roger on it, you are so jealous. We also picked up a couple of other items which I can't say because one is a gift for one of my loyal readers. Strange Folk Art Show had a much different feel than most, scratch that, all of the other shows in this area. It lacked the super high price tags, the snooty old women in their butch haircuts and 'art show' jewelry. It blared, sometimes too loudly, good music and offered everything from pottery and T-shirts to fresh from the alpaca yarn. It was a good mix of hippies and technicolored freaks. The organizers were brilliant enough to host in a park with a playground. With the reward for good behavior of playing on the playground, Gryffin behaved awesomely. For three hours he terrorized that playground equipment, which was fine with Mike and I because: A. he was playing nicely with the other children, B. he was burning off his endless supply of energy and C. we got to eat some really great gyros while watching him and snapping and endless array of pictures.
Yesterday was more laid back. We took Gryffin for doughnuts where he thoroughly charmed the waitress and a few patrons and made several people laugh when he kept putting 'pretend' turtles in Mike's coffee. After that we ran some errands and came home for nap time.
My mood has been better and I am thankful of that, but I still feel that little depression monster trying to push his way out. Hopefully I will keep him at bay and beat him like a dirty rug.

I'm up, showered, dressed and even did my hair and what little makeup I wear. That is more than I have done the past few days. Baby steps.
Mike told me last night to just 'do' something. Doing something is the best thing at this stage but its also the hardest. All I want to do is sit, not watch TV or read a book, not blog therapy, just make like a zucchini and veg. Amazing how well I can shut my brain off during the day and at night it works overtime with the worries, anxiety and guilt.
I read this this morning: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070919/hl_nm/exercise_depression_dc;_ylt=Ao6lOTscNU3048b2b_5RIkSCSbYF
My personal opinion and experience has been that exercise definitely staves off depression. But until health insurance companies cover equipment or gym memberships, its just not possible right now. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure- unless your an insurance company. But I won't get all politi-preachy.
I want to get out with Gryffin today and do something, even just a walk but its set to be so stinking hot. We will see.

I feel a spiral coming on.

As most of my readers know, I suffer from depression, anxiety and general issues. Everyone has issues but no one's issues are as severe as their own. Except maybe their significant others who have it the worst because they have a loved one's issues to deal with on top of their own issues and this just a recipe for rough times. Sorry Mike.
For several weeks I have been a little down. On the surface I think I've been able to hide it pretty well but now its to the point where Mike is asking me if I'm ok because I look like I'm about to burst into tears and Gryffin is telling me not to be grumpy. From a 2 1/2 year old, thats deep.
I don't really know what has set me off this time. At least, I can't pinpoint one thing. I think its more of an accumulation of little things.
The house next door sitting there filthy, empty and dying.
My lack of a glass studio over here.
Money problems. Ok, so not problems since we have money for food and gas and the bills are paid. But money problems such as credit card debt. I'm not used to it and I don't like it. The last time I actually looked at our credit card bill I almost had an anxiety attack.
The payment for my hearing aides is due in November and I don't know where the several thousand dollars will come from.
I just feel like I'm out of control. I'm a control freak out of control and that has put me into a spin. A spin that makes me not want to do anything which is the worst thing I could do. Now don't get all worried, I'm not going over the edge. I'm just in a funk and this blog is a hell of a lot cheaper than a therapist, which I've tried before and all he wanted to do was write me a scrip and bill my insurance for $135 an hour. So you're just going to have to sit there and say 'uh ha' and 'I see' along with a couple 'How does that make you feel' and 'Tell me about your childhood'.

Zapata's is zsa' poo poo

Tonight we went back to Zapata's Mexican Restaurant. We figured we hadn't been there for a couple years and it deserved another chance. The last time it wasn't the food that was horrid, it was the service. This time the service was much better and the food horrid. When the only difference between a burrito and an enchilada is a corn tortilla you know the cook ain't Mexican. The meat was really bland, the sauce was the same on both and definitely from a can. They didn't even have the decency to add more seasoning. Their chili dip was just that, chili- again from a can. Tasted a lot like the canned chili I buy Mike to take to work. That isn't a good thing. Gryffin only ate his fries and the tortilla from his taco. After tasting the meat, I understood why. It didn't have the texture of ground beef, more like grits cooked in beef broth. And bland, bland, bland. Everything was bland. It was Mexican food for the elderly. I will say one thing though, the chips and salsa were pretty good.

Say it or walk the plank!

Today, as my husband had to call from work and tell me, is National Talk Like A Pirate Day.
Argh!

Camping was great. I got there early enough to enjoy a book on the beach. The weather was chilly but perfect. We like it a little chilly when we camp, who wants to sit around a campfire when its 90 degrees?
Speaking of 90 degrees, the hot has returned. I was hoping for a nice trip to the zoo with Gryffin this week but alas, no go.
Today we will kick back for a little while. I was planning on going to Fairview Heights to look for some pants for Gryffin and maybe some pillows to keep Java off the couch in the living room but it seems there is this massive man hunt for a psycho killer that has shut traffic down on the interstate. Nothing like a murderer to ruin your morning plans.

Argh, Matey!

I was in the middle of a nice relaxing bubble bath last night when Gryffin came running in screaming, "Argh, I'm a pirate!". Not a big deal, until I looked at him. "Look at my red eyepatch, Mommy. I'm a pirate." Yup, my child drew a red 'eye patch' on himself last night. Along with 'tattoos' all up and down both arms.

Yup, would've much rather spent the day with Chucky. I had to stop the dental hygienist from finishing because apparently the tears streaming down my face went unnoticed. Sadists. The government just needs to send this chick to Abhu Graib, the information would just flow. For those of you who don't know, I have TMJ which is a jaw disease that causes involuntary contractions of the jaw. Its like clenching your teeth so hard your eyes begin to pop over and over and not being able to stop. I can't open my jaw very wide or for very long so just a cleaning like I had done today is excruciating. Labor pains were easier to deal with! Hmmm, I wonder what kind of soup we have.

How much chuck can a Chuck up-chuck?

Tuesday when I took Gryffin to Day Out there was this poor little boy in his class that was screaming hysterically for his parents. It was his first day and he was not happy about it. He had worked himself into such a frenzy that as I helped Gryffin put his lunch in his cubby the kid (who shall henceforth be named 'Chucky') puked. Gryffin had been pretty calm up to this point but seeing Chucky up-chuck was traumatic enough to make him scream and grab hold of my leg with a vise like grip. I tried calming Gryffin down by reading him 'The Cat in the Hat' but Chucky was still screaming like a claustrophobic shut in a coffin. I was hoping/praying that the teacher would just escort him out of class until he calmed down but it didn't happen. Finally the teacher's aide came in and could see that Gryffin was distraught so she took over the book and pryed him off me. I left and by the time I had signed Gryffin in he was sitting in the aide's lap calmly. Chucky on the other hand was still screaming.
When I picked Gryffin up later than afternoon he was happily playing outside and had fully recovered. Chucky was still, yes still, screaming. The haggard teacher said that she had gotten him calmed down for a short period of time but for the most part he had been like this all day. I felt so sorry for her and for the kid.
This morning when I told Gryffin that it was Day Out day he did his best Chucky impression, sans yakking thank goodness. He told me it was too ucky to go to Day Out. Great, now my kid is scared to go because of Chucky. Stupid Chucky. I am preparing myself for meltdown when I take Gryffin this morning and I won't be able to stick around for a book because I have a dentist appointment. Considering how I feel about dentists I would rather hang with Chucky for the day.

The weather is so perfect today! It makes me want to go pick apples or walk around the zoo. Neither of which I've been able to do yet this year. I can't believe Gryffin hasn't been to the zoo yet. Last year we went about half a dozen times. I guess life just keeps interrupting my life. Hate it when that happens.

Tuesday...

Play date yesterday was much needed for all those in attendance and also much enjoyed.
Today is Day Out and cleaning. In Day Out they work with Gryffin on potty training, which I desperately appreciate. I am not pushing him. He's my kid and he's going to do it when he wants to do it. Of all the things to get from me, my stubbornness was not one I would've chose. He'll go on the potty once in a while, the rest of the time he just asks for a clean diaper. I try to get him to sit on the potty first but it usually doesn't work. I tried bribing him with reading books while he's on the throne. I tried stickers but that was a fiasco because he got all upset that I wouldn't let him put the stickers on the bathroom tile and tub. Maybe I need to try that again but give him the sticker after leaving the bathroom and giving him a designated place to stick it. We will see. I'm taking my time, a small reason is that its one more step away from babyhood. And since he will be my one and only child there are times I mourn the loss of my little baby boy but more often than not I rejoice in the wonderful child that is emerging.

Monday, monday

Not a bad start to the day, appliance repair man done and gone, cherry pie for play date in the oven, laundry in the washer, second cup of 'joe' on its way down, shower, bed made and kitchen cleaned. This is going to be a short and busy week. Mike took Friday off to go camping and there is a lot involved in getting ready for that. I have been asked to make a big batch of 'Hair On Your Nuts' to share at the campsite, along with a double batch of Jambalaya mix for Saturday night's dinner. Every year Mike has hosted a big camping/float trip for the cool kids at work. This will be the smallest and probably the last due to many people leaving for fear of being laid off when the big merger occurs after the first of the year. It is always a good time though. Mike always goes down on Friday while I wait until Saturday afternoon. I don't like canoeing. I much prefer sitting around a deserted campsite with a book and an exorbitant amount of bug spray. Besides, I don't think I could stand being away from Gryffin for two nights. Saturday night is spent around a campfire the size of Rhode Island, talking, imbibing to excess (usually) and betting when a certain attendee will either fall off the ledge or into the fire. Luckily, no one has ever been hurt (not counting hangovers). My favorite part of the whole thing is on Sunday morning. Its chilly and there's usually a misty fog in the air and is always quiet. There's nothing like waking up in the midst of nature, watching the sun come up. Oh yeah, and getting the opportunity to see how bad everyone looks in the morning.

I got big butt and I cannot lie

Ok fashion world, you're pissing me off. In fact you have been for the past few years. To make it easy for you to understand I have put my lecture into an outline:
I. Hip hugger jeans
A. Not for people with hips
B. Not for people under 18 or over 40
II. Skinny jeans
A. Should never be made in acid wash, even back in 84 when it was fashionable- the first time.
B. Should not come in any rise other than mid
a. High rise skinny jeans = prostimom
b. Low rise skinny jeans = prostiplumber
III. Distressed jeans
A. Dirty wash, the homeless look will never be in
B. Ripped- shouldn't have 'em if you don't earn 'em
IV. Button fly jeans
A. Can double as a chastity belt
B. Require diapers unless you're a champion texter and have super finger speed
V. Embellished jeans
A. Studs are for duds
B. If I want flowers on my ass I will get a buttineer

Next week my lesson will be, "Little Girls (women too for that matter) should not look like Bratz Dollz".

Now, if anyone can point me in the direction of the 'Under $40, skinny, dark wash, mid rise, no zippered ankle jeans department', I would really appreciate it.

Drumming to a different beat.

I did it, at least I think I did. I don't remember bitching about anything so I'll call it success.
Can't say I have anything to complain about today either. Especially since Gryffin slept through the night last night. YEAH!!! I woke up several times thinking that I heard him out of bed but alas it was not so. I even got up once only to find Java wandering about.
Today I am tackling the laundry pile. At least its a clean one. I don't know what it is about laundry that I find so challenging. Maybe remembering to put it in the dryer, or take it out, or fold it, or put it away. Yeah, I think that might be it. I know people who find doing laundry therapeutic. I envy those crazy broads. The only thing I find therapeutic these days are hot bubble baths, books and big glasses of wine. Luckily Mike lets me get therapy almost every night.
Just so others might appreciate the joys of my son, here is a video of one of his talents. (Plug your ears)

Mission Impossible

Today I am challenging myself to not complain- about anything. I have a very blessed life filled with loving people who support me, a home that is safe and comfortable, cars that are dependable and clean underwear. The latter just came about this morning after doing some laundry. Funny how clean underwear can make you introspective. Anyway, I am even continuing this challenge through my egg-donors visit this evening. Shouldn't be too hard, but don't think for a minute that this will continue tomorrow too.

Don't come a knockin' if the Country Clubs a rockin'

Last night the country club about a mile away put on a concert outside. No big deal, you say? Oh it was at our house. At first we thought Drunk Naked Guy had his radio cranked, that was the DJ. After that bit of annoyance there were two bands. Loud cover bands. Now I'm not going to rip cover bands, they are a true form of fandom; however, I will rip a cover band that plays a decent version of The Beatles, 'All You Need Is Love', only to follow it with a crap country song and some Jimmy Buffet. It literally sounded like these bands were in our back yard. Mike couldn't hear the TV, I couldn't sleep or concentrate to read and even closing the doors and windows didn't help it was so loud. About 11 pm I was so pissed I called the cops only to learn that the country club had a permit for this until midnight. MIDNIGHT! ON A SUNDAY! I went back to bed and fumed. I had finally fallen asleep about 12:30 and at 1:45 Gryffin woke up in a pee soaked bed. It was a long night, an even longer day today.
It seems the talk of the neighborhood today is this concert. No one was happy about it. Who can blame them, we had to listen to it but wouldn't have been allowed to see it because it wasn't open to the public. That's it, I'm not joining that country club no matter what! Besides I think the facts that I'm poor, I don't play golf and I prefer the company of real people would disqualify me anyway.

Bus 312 to Comatown, now boarding!

Ever get hit by a bus and not notice? Mike has been telling me all day that I just didn't seem right. Ok, so I had a little headache and was tired. Welcome to motherhood. After I put Gryffin down for a nap I laid down too. I woke up to Mike yelling through the window telling me that Gryffin was in our room jumping on the bed. Sneaky little booger, how can he have the grace of an elephant and be so quiet?! Anyway, I feel like I could just sleep the day away or at least crash on the couch watching totally toddler inappropriate movies- but instead its The Incredibles for the 967th time.
I guess it was Divine Intervention that kept me from going to see Beqi's band, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=149237244, last night. I was in the car, on my way when all of a sudden the strongest desire for a relaxing bubble bath came over me. That and doubting that I would know anyone else at the show. When Mike was in a band I would walk into bars by myself, sit and watch by myself and feel like everyone was watching me. Not a good feeling in a town of crazies on booze.
I don't know if I'm getting sick or what. I just know that anything other than folding some laundry and changing a diaper or two is out of the question. Good thing Mike is outside going to church, what he calls mowing and working in the yard. He picks up my slack so well. I guess thats fair since I pick up his dirty socks.